If you find this situation familiar, it’s likely that your needs have been pushed aside and you’re putting yourself last. Whether you call it self-care, me time, or something else, the truth is, if you’re not meeting your own needs, you’re at risk of burning out, which is not good for you or your family who rely on you. Neglecting self-care can lead to serious consequences, and it’s important to address this issue before it’s too late.
So, if finding the time to care for yourself is hard or not a priority, these tips can help you identify and make time for it, even if it’s only 15 minutes before you go to bed. Remember, even small increments of self-care can make a significant difference in your well-being.
Overhaul Your Schedule
Stop and take a good look at your schedule. Write everything down in time blocks so you can see visually what is taking up your time and where you have any free time if any at all. Be realistic about your day. Include commuting or school drop-off, cooking, grocery shopping, and all of your other obligations.
Then add in work hours, meal items, bath times, sports clubs, etc., until you have included everything you need to fit into your school.
Once you have a better idea of your time constraints, you can look at how and how you can make changes. It’s not easy—it never is—but it’s highly likely you’ll feel guilty about even attempting to prioritize yourself. However, remember that change is possible. If you don’t want to burn out and you want to give back to yourself more, this is vital. And it’s worth it.
Identify What You Want To Do
Contrary to popular belief, shopping for groceries isn’t and shouldn’t be a self-care act, even if you get to eat the candy walking the aisles with no kids to worry about. It should be about giving you back what you need. And that is different for every parent. It might be that you need a trip to the salon for a new hairstyle or trim, or you might find you need an hour in the bathroom with no interruptions; you might just want 10 minutes to play games like solitaire on your phone because it relaxes you and take your mind off things, or you might want to read a book, watch that movie you’ve wanted to see, take a walk in the park, or literally anything else that supports you and your mental health.
Schedule Self Care
If you’re guilty of not putting yourself first, then you need to schedule yourself as an appointment and treat it as such. It’s much more fun than going to the dentist, but if it’s in your diary like you would add your dentist appointment, you’ll likely stick to it and go through with it. Tell others if you’re unavailable at a specific time, but do not be tempted to ignore this date in your diary and add self-care to the schedule wherever you can.
Set Boundaries
Another option that is absolutely easier said than done is to set boundaries so you don’t stretch yourself too thin or be tempted to swap your self-care time for doing something for others. Be firm, explain your decision, and say no. No is a full sentence, and if you’re being pulled in a hundred different directions, then you need to put boundaries in place and be firm about sticking to them.
Ask for Help
Not everyone has the luxury of having another adult at home to take over the bulk of the childcare or chores while they undertake self-care, nor do they have families or friends who can help out. But if you are lucky enough to have this valuable resource, use it and ask for help. Can your parents look after the kids for a while so you can do what you need to do? Can your siblings host your children for a sleepover so you can have a night alone in peace, or is your partner/spouse able to take care of weekend duty to enable you to do something other than your usual responsibilities? While you ideally shouldn’t need to ask for help, especially from the other parent at home, if you don’t speak up, it’s likely no one will know what you want or need if it’s not communicated to them.
Address Your Guilt
The number one main reason why parents don’t do too much for themselves is guilt. It’s been drummed into people that when you have kids, they are your world, and your needs should come second. Especially in an age of social media where seemingly anyone and everyone has an opinion on others’ lives without knowing them. This fear of judgment can be a significant barrier to self-care, but it’s important to remember that taking care of yourself is not selfish, it’s necessary for your well-being and your ability to care for your family.
If you feel guilty about putting yourself first, ask yourself why. Why do you feel guilty, and what is making you feel this way? There are likely many factors at play when understanding your guilt.
But being able to identify it, understand it, and work through it to come to an understanding will be a great help in allowing you to consider your needs. Parental guilt doesn’t go away 100% for everyone. But there are ways you can reduce how guilty you feel for putting yourself first from time to time. If you are a good parent, which you likely are, your kids will be just fine while you indulge yourself every now and again.